My Value

Yesterday was a day of reflecting and pondering. I spent the day enjoying the beauty of nature that God has provided for me. This morning found me led to church, where I heard a message of what the followers of Christ look like and how are we told apart. It was amazing as the pastor took the time to share the change we have undergone even in the last 100 years. Today the church exists in the United States in a persecuted state. This may have been a tough pill to swallow, but as you look at the circumstances, it does seem very true. Now more than ever those who follow Christ have to stand up and identify themselves.

If I am to stand, I need to know why I'm standing. I was hoping by this point I could say that I've been healed and ready to move forward, but such is not the case. I'm still questioning where is God in the midst of all this, why did He let this happen to me. After all I was trying to serve him as not only a follower but as one of His pastors. Was it a test of my faith and I was found woefully wanting? Did God have something bigger in mind and I got in the way? Will He be able to use me still or am I done?

I do believe in God's grace and forgiveness. I want that to be mine and to feel it fully. I also want to not take this grace for granted. It's a high-priced gift to just throw about with my own whims and letting sin have it's course. I am starting to pray for the control over sin. If God won't take away my challenges, then I ask Him to give me the strength to control it and reign it in. I was bought at a price, which means that I have been made value. I'm snubbing my nose at Christ if I simply return to my sinful nature over and over.

I long and ask God to bring me back to the center. I want to feel His presence as day ends and begins. To know that He loves me again and rejoices with me and cries with me. I don't doubt God's love...I know He does love all of His creation, but I want to feel worthy of His love and I want to consciously accept it and bask in his presence. I don't want to take Him for granted anymore. Lord Jesus, I'm thirsty for the love You poured out on me...please help me to come back to the well so that I may drink deep of Your love.

Show me how Lord I pray.