My Value

Yesterday was a day of reflecting and pondering. I spent the day enjoying the beauty of nature that God has provided for me. This morning found me led to church, where I heard a message of what the followers of Christ look like and how are we told apart. It was amazing as the pastor took the time to share the change we have undergone even in the last 100 years. Today the church exists in the United States in a persecuted state. This may have been a tough pill to swallow, but as you look at the circumstances, it does seem very true. Now more than ever those who follow Christ have to stand up and identify themselves.

If I am to stand, I need to know why I'm standing. I was hoping by this point I could say that I've been healed and ready to move forward, but such is not the case. I'm still questioning where is God in the midst of all this, why did He let this happen to me. After all I was trying to serve him as not only a follower but as one of His pastors. Was it a test of my faith and I was found woefully wanting? Did God have something bigger in mind and I got in the way? Will He be able to use me still or am I done?

I do believe in God's grace and forgiveness. I want that to be mine and to feel it fully. I also want to not take this grace for granted. It's a high-priced gift to just throw about with my own whims and letting sin have it's course. I am starting to pray for the control over sin. If God won't take away my challenges, then I ask Him to give me the strength to control it and reign it in. I was bought at a price, which means that I have been made value. I'm snubbing my nose at Christ if I simply return to my sinful nature over and over.

I long and ask God to bring me back to the center. I want to feel His presence as day ends and begins. To know that He loves me again and rejoices with me and cries with me. I don't doubt God's love...I know He does love all of His creation, but I want to feel worthy of His love and I want to consciously accept it and bask in his presence. I don't want to take Him for granted anymore. Lord Jesus, I'm thirsty for the love You poured out on me...please help me to come back to the well so that I may drink deep of Your love.

Show me how Lord I pray.

Life versus Even More Life

The first chapter of Phillipians was another section that I felt led to read. I was questioning, what is it to be a follower of Christ. I am learning to avoid the term "Christian" because this has become so watered down and weak that it seems to be meaningless. But to be a follower of Christ takes a commitment and some decisions. As I was wondering what it is to follow, the words of Paul began repeating in my head over and over, "to live is Christ". And I started thinking about what that actually meant.

Christ was a doer, not a sit back and watcher. He found followers, healed the sick, preached the Word all in the course of his short 3 year ministry. He lived. So often it seems to me that those who follow Christ find themselves sitting in a rocking chair waiting for glory that we forget to live the life gifted to us. A box of food on a shelf can't offer nutrition if it's never opened. An unread book simply remains a dust collector. The unlived life wastes the marvelous opportunities granted by our Creator to impact the world around us.

If I am going to find myself on the journey back to the center of God's heart, I need to live. I need to take chances for Christ, share the love of Father with those around me...not only in words but also in actions. Even today, we are facing cutbacks in our school system. The love Christ would show is that of empathy, concern, and genuine compassion. How can I show that? How have I shown it?

As a true follower, we have nothing to lose. I can do what I'm placed in this time to do, what I have been chosen to do. I can run the race set before me. And then? Well, I get to enjoy life directly with my Jesus. Is this the motivation? I've been reading where Christianity is simply a form of selfishness...doing what we do because it's about what we can gain. What do I gain? A lifetime with the One that thought I was worth dying for...He who chased me all over time and space so that He could polish away the edges. If this is selfishness, give it to me over and over. Why wouldn't I want to be with the One who loves me more than anyone else possibly can? It's not about "fireproofing" myself, but instead drawing close to the one that wants me. The One that loves me.

Father, help me to seek to live the life you have given me. I should approach each day, even each hour as a precious gift, one that expires as it is used. There are so many things that challenge me for my time, but what would you have me do? Help me see the traps for what they are...traps and distractions. Give me the hunger to seek life! And help me to not accept cheap thrills as a substitution, because this is simple a fake life, one that is quick to run when the thrill loses its edge. I want the real deal...the full life that You'd place me here to live. May it be a life filled with love for You, myself, and others.

Step out of the Traffic

I met with a good friend last night who understands struggles but who also knows the grace of God. He will hold me accountable as I find the path again. He challenged me to develop my devotional life, which was pretty much nonexistent. It's tough to pray right now, but I can't explain why. I've decided to pledge to reading Scripture again on a daily basis and taking the time to really talk to God, my Father. I want that relationship I had before, where I felt the Abba love we read of.

I was led today, through an email I received (the sender knows nothing of my struggle or my journey) to the 46th Psalm. I've read it a few times, in the Message translation.

I love the way it starts with describing the God that fights for us and protects us. To know that God fights for me, not only fights my battles for me but actually fights to have me safe and claimed. I can't say that I've ever asked God to fight for me, but He's done it and continues to do it anyway. So to be a follower of Christ, I have to realize that He's fought for my privilege of claiming Him as my Lord.

I won't belabor this psalm, with a line by line commentary but I do think it's worth noting that this God that controls it all is listening for my voice. His desire is to listen to me and for me to listen to Him.

But the key vision I have after reading this Scripture is the way the Message shares verse 10.

Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything.

What an interesting way to tell us to be still. Step out of the traffic, get out of the things that are rushing around you and distracting you. Take a long LOVING look at Me. When was the last time I looked at Him lovingly and really thought what that meant? To slow down and let all the politics of life stop bothering you, after all God is over all of that pretty business we are involved with.

Tonight my prayer will focus on looking at my Father for a long time and really, fully enjoying His presence. To slow down and watch my God fight for me. To let the world begin to pass me by and know that I'm not missing anything anyway. I've been trying to chase so much of the world's success, I think I've lost (there's no think, I know I've lost) my heavenly gain.

That old song, take the world but give me Jesus, comes to mind. Would I be willing to lose it all if it meant holding on to my Jesus? I want my answer to be yes. Lord, give me the passion again...the love that holds me close to you. I ask you to forgive me for taking our relationship for granted and not realizing the precious jewel I held.

Love,
your adopted son